i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
organizing the empties. That sober.
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
This is actually a pretty big deal for him. I mean, he contacted a stranger out of concern for someone else instead of for sex.
That does show growth.
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
Randomize
