i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
Faces of meth called, they want their look back.
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
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