Dude i just saw JT leaving the hospital. He drove there to get fluids because he was too drunk, so they hooked him up to an IV so he didn't get alcohol poisoning. Did I mention he drove there? Oh yea and our roommates in the hospital with alcohol poisoning, she just puked up coal. So many ppl are here, it's like a hospital party, I love spring quarter!
I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
this morning i woke up under the kitchen table. i went to my room and there was an inflatable whale in my bed with a banana duct taped to where its penis should be. there were trails of cheez-its around my apartment and i found $67 in the crotch of my underwear. im guessing i had a very happy birthday.
The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
If by fun you mean, did I meet her cousin for the.first time and bang him, then yes it was a productive evening.
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
Randomize
