remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
I wish they had a smiley of two girls making out
OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
you wouldnt answer to anything but devil's advocate all night.
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
Randomize
