i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
Randomize
