I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
He should get nipple rings. No homo...I actually don't think there is a way to make it non gay.
Yeah you should have just let that thought go.
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
Randomize
