You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
can you come back were all locked out and alyssia's still inside passed out on the floor but more importantly i left a beer in there that's not finished
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
How do the freshmen here NOT understand the tricks we are playing on them by now? Doesn't bode well for grad numbers. Idiots.
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
View of Vancouver Bay is obscured though the greasy hand prints from fucking against the window. Tip maid well.
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
We met up and made out in front of an empanada spot, if that's not romance then idk what is.
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
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