It's a law of Nature, girls naturally hate eachother. It's only when there's no competition for a mate that they can hate each other a little less and then are appropriated into the "BFF" slot.
We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."
That's literally the perfect eulogy
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
And my parents said I crawled through the house
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
Randomize
