my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
Randomize
