I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
He' s half Black and half Italian, I finally asked...this penis maybe one for the records.
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
Randomize
