my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
can we get nightvision for the apartment?
He's getting better. i'm using GuitarHero to teach him how to finger me. My clit = the red tab.
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
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