Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
I am naked and annoyed.
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
Randomize
