my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
It's simple. He fucks me at his place and I fuck him at my place. It's like man of the house gets to top.
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
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