Come on, it shouldn't be that hard NOT to suck someone's dick
In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
I don't know. Sometimes you can be a wild card with your emotions. Mostly the emotion known as anger.
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
I love that you put so much thought and effort into your nudes
I don't send half assed nudes. Go big or go home.
Randomize
