insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
Randomize
