I'll bet she douches with gravy.
remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
It was actually pretty good. His cock is as fat as the rest of him and I took out my contacts so I couldn't see him clearly.
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
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