i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
Idk how much more i could have responded my dick was basically trying to unzip the zipper and hop out
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
Randomize
