I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
Did you hit it?
Turns out she was a he. but to answer your question, yes.
totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
driving around with you guys listening to the beach boys made me very concious of how white you all are.
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
For someone who's supposed to be gay Greg is really good at seducing me into things I don't wanna do
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