Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
Any toy can be an adult toy. Location, location, location.
dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
17 year olds will be the death of me.
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
So who won the naked front yard Olympics last night?
Well my tits are spray painted gold & i have what i think r the Olympic rings shaved in my vag !!!!!!!SO its safe to say i won something ....
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
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