bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
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