after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
i agree, on both the sex thing and the unrepentant bastard thing
Randomize
