god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
She just used a chaser for red wine.
Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
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