this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
Randomize
