New invention idea: vibrating tampons
I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
I honestly didn't see the problem playing beer pong In the car on the road trip home.
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
What are we just gonna be those girls that get fucked in your parents basement and not get taken to dinner? I don't wanna be those girls.
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
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