PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
You should swallow it and be like the ticking crocodile. Only you play Still of the Night.
i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
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We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
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Happy you have kids and I don't day!
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.