i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
It was his first time doing shrooms and we made him ride in the truck bed. But he kept standing up and yelling when we stopped so we had to keep driving
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
Randomize
