hell yes lets make some ravioli
sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
Randomize
