my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
Randomize
