shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
He DELETED brick breaker off his blackberry why even bother trying to find something in common?
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
Randomize
