Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
but the lizard people decide everything anyway
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
Randomize
