Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
The boys are giving me the exam answers and I don't even have to expose my body..yayy engineering!
watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Challenge Accepted
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
Randomize
