Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
Those nachos came to me in a dream
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
Randomize
