community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
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