Being 21 is my favorite hobby I'm really good at it
Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
My dick has been in way too much crazy the past 2+weeks, but hey it feels good to fuck consistently again
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
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