My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
She walked into class late sat down for 5 min muttered 'oh i cant do this' and walked out. She looked like death.
We should party with her soon
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
His blow is so strong I threw up. Buy it. I'm in nursing school I know what I'm talking about.
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
Randomize
