It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
You don't make any sense
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