If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
wouldnt it be awesome if walks of shame were like charity walks...you could get sponsors and shit and donate money to curing STDs or cancer
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
I think he's only dating me for my ass...
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
You are a genius and a whore.
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
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