so today in my theology class we brought up the proper way to have sex. so rough sex was said by the teacher...I said I know a girl that likes to be choked. sorry but everyone knew it was you
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
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