I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
the world took limewire and four lokos away from me in one week....hello depression
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
Randomize
