I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
coming from the girl bound and determined to pee in the snow
why would you restrict a girl of that
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
Randomize
