"what do u think of parents raising kids to be peeping toms" said guy on bus 2 me
So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
Randomize
