i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
Is it bad that on the course evaluation it said "do you normally try harder than other students in class" and i circled "absolutely false"?
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
Two words: blizzard sex
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
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