I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
Randomize
