He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
Gregs sitting in the living room in his underwear hitting the bong watching a rob schneider movie. His lack of fuck giving is inspirational
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize
