why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
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