I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to cum to Chingy?!
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
Randomize
