saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
What a fucking waste of an outfit
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
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