I would say the hottest chick there looked like Susan Boyle and the ugliest like Bea Arthur
Nice use of current day folklore
You gave him head? He fingered you? A little bit of make out?
WHAT THE FUCK ITS LIKE YOU WERE THERE
You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
Randomize
