Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
Randomize
