my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He was wearing his Class of 2007 shirt so I sat there for 5 minutes and read all the names of the guys I can remember giving head to.
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
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