So in our children's lit class, some jackass little boy had gone thru the where's waldo book and circled waldo. I realize you would have been that kid.
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
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