you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
Randomize
