Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
oh i have no idea about his personality. i imagine it's the same as it was- except now combined with a receding hairline and a beer gut
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
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