I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
Randomize
