Yo I charged a $20 breakfast to ur room, will pay u back in liquor and schoolgirl panties, thx again for a fun time
I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
Randomize
