I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
Dude, Erin Andrews has a nude video circulating the internet.
Is it any good?
Let me put it this way: I bet Stuart Scott's lazy eye went straight after watching that.
i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
Hmmm just stalked him and according to his facebook he wants "whatever he can get." obviously he'd be open to the idea.
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
Randomize
