Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
Yeah he's still asleep. I washed the blender out. He tried to make a ham-shake. Lets wait until after break to have that talk. I kind of want to see where this goes.
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
I've got to admit, I'm a little hesitant about giving him road head. I've seen how he drives and I've seen how he acts when I give him head. A small part of me is saying this is going to end badly.
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
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