even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
Im tired as fuck but i cant leave him here like this i gave him the acid and i feel the responsibillity to put his mind back together its fun im an architect about to about to construct a whole new belief and moral system inside this soul. Talk about the best psychothearpy
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
how drunk are you?
Several
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
Randomize
