okay pat passed out under dana's car
After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
Randomize
