Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
Randomize
