Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
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