he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
yeah dropping that class because i really don't want to be known as the girl who fell asleep in class and threw up as she walked out for an entire semester
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
Randomize
