I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
I'll still trying to understand the context of your "punch her with my cock" comment.
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
Randomize
