Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
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