Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
You're like the curious george of whores
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
You dont lie about slip and slides
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
Also I've come to learn that "type" and "fetish" are different things. Apologies for earlier confusion.
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
Randomize
