My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
I feel like with a dick like that he could of done more with it
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
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