i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
Randomize
