I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
omg his dad is hot
... I'm currently away at the moment. Leave a msg since I cannot express how much I can't help you stop ruining peoples lives.
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
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