Is that you in the white hat?
Fine suit yourself
Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
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yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
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I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
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