I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
you could tell him that chauvinism doesn't go very well with his gay homemade tank top
Stop being a whore!!! Everyone can see!!!!
meet me or not, i'm out of control
Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
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