Btw the nut in my hair goes great with my outfit !!! :(
i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
Trust me. I don't get home before 5am. I know what Immmm doing. BTW bail money is in my closet. PEACE
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
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